is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
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And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
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Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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