I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
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Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
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Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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