you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
