Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
