Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
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I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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