she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize