My room smells like vodka and shame
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
