the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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