Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hands were made for my vagina.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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