dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
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Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
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So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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