its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
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Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
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We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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