That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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