:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
