Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
