I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
