It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.