I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night