apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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