I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
