Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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