I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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