I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
