He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
