I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
