my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize