I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.