that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.