you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.