He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
areolas are like halos for boobs.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
