drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
