why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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