I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
