so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
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He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
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I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird