Texts From Last Night

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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before

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  (615): You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before http://tfl.nu/c77w
  Replies (37) Good night (2005) Bad night (5888)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.

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  (740): While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day. http://tfl.nu/7t04
  Replies (37) Good night (6071) Bad night (1725)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

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  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
  Replies (50) Good night (20215) Bad night (2347)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.

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  (616): You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls. http://tfl.nu/v76g
  Replies (9) Good night (5189) Bad night (1889)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction

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  (479): I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction http://tfl.nu/gbpq
  Replies (18) Good night (886) Bad night (3269)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.

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  (403): this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property. http://tfl.nu/0jew
  Replies (3) Good night (1703) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.

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  (619): He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one. http://tfl.nu/6tfs
  Replies (6) Good night (3040) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee

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  (904): I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee http://tfl.nu/enfq
  Replies (18) Good night (753) Bad night (1624)
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  (408): View more from California

  do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??

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  (408): do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend?? http://tfl.nu/xsua
  Replies (6) Good night (874) Bad night (1031)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.

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  (228): Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well. http://tfl.nu/vvbh
  Replies (10) Good night (1217) Bad night (521)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom

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  (610): I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom http://tfl.nu/d66w
  Replies (5) Good night (822) Bad night (373)
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.

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  (807): We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely. http://tfl.nu/t6rq
  Replies (2) Good night (371) Bad night (1028)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.

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  (713): It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards. http://tfl.nu/tzzb
  Replies (6) Good night (837) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...

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  (434): i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet... http://tfl.nu/ym2b
  Replies (1) Good night (854) Bad night (339)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She didn't like my gingervitis joke

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  (703): How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go? (202): She didn't like my gingervitis joke http://tfl.nu/5820
  Replies (2) Good night (963) Bad night (297)

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