Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome