You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.