just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'