Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class

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(717): I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class http://tfl.nu/9lx5

Replies (67) Good night (1110) Bad night (5053)
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(313): View more from Michigan

I wish costco sold astroglide.

(248): View more from Michigan

i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.

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(313): I wish costco sold astroglide. (248): i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about. http://tfl.nu/mkwg

Replies (41) Good night (3053) Bad night (1233)
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(802): View more from Vermont

and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?

(1-802): View more from Vermont

not the response he usually gets im sure.

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(802): and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college? (1-802): not the response he usually gets im sure. http://tfl.nu/gci3

Replies (17) Good night (1687) Bad night (3686)
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(320): View more from Minnesota

so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..

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(320): so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville.. http://tfl.nu/vgyl

Replies (38) Good night (1873) Bad night (5362)
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(702): View more from Nevada

When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.

(1-702): View more from Nevada

I've always been the spiritual type.

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(702): When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion. (1-702): I've always been the spiritual type. http://tfl.nu/v0oc

Replies (27) Good night (7748) Bad night (897)
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(503): View more from Oregon

Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal

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(503): Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal http://tfl.nu/qwe2

Replies (13) Good night (7405) Bad night (1590)
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(661): View more from California

aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet

(623): View more from Arizona

And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs

(661): View more from California

Exactly.

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(661): aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet (623): And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs (661): Exactly. http://tfl.nu/5o7t

Replies (18) Good night (7019) Bad night (1212)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.

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(412): he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along. http://tfl.nu/2jm5

Replies (32) Good night (1630) Bad night (5307)
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(831): View more from California

maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick

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(831): maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick http://tfl.nu/1wa4

Replies (3) Good night (745) Bad night (1462)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.

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(202): I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure. http://tfl.nu/68x5

Replies (3) Good night (1568) Bad night (678)
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(661): View more from California

No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...

(661): View more from California

Sorry.

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(661): No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges... (661): Sorry. http://tfl.nu/vg1q

Replies (13) Good night (621) Bad night (1508)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often

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(605): We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often http://tfl.nu/nvi7

Replies (2) Good night (1004) Bad night (493)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude

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(724): Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude http://tfl.nu/f4au

Replies (1) Good night (423) Bad night (637)
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(440): View more from Ohio

She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot

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(440): She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot http://tfl.nu/ybed

Replies (6) Good night (542) Bad night (752)
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(515): View more from Iowa

Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger

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(515): Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger http://tfl.nu/4ncs

Replies (1) Good night (343) Bad night (143)

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