the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
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I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
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Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.