3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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