i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
