i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow