I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?