Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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