May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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