I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
