i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
