i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
