I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
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the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
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In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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