a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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