I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
