I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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