I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
