can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
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I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
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I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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