went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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