you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
