how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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