It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
