theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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