My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
