i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He better not be in your backpack
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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